Friday, January 09, 2004

You know, I had no idea just how influential I was. Several days ago, I posted a comment about the need for more extensive space exploration. Now President Bush is proposing virtually every one of my recommendations.

That's right, Dubya. Keep taking my advice, and you'll do well.

The web is a strange thing. Just when I thought Internet Porn sites had all become exactly the same (see 18-year-old virgin nymphos doing nasty things! Get a free password for thirty-two minutes, after which we charge you $29.95 a week!), well then a friend showed my "ratemycameltoe.com" - and as far as I can tell, that's exactly what it is. People post pictures of cameltoes, and then other people rate them on a scale of one to ten.

What a great time to be alive. I bet the ancient egyptians had nothing like this! Well, they didn't even have camels back then, but we won't mention that.

In other thoughts....

If "Lord of the Rings: Return of the King" doesn't sweep up at the Oscars, I'm going to be mighty ticked off.

Do you ever wonder why we have a green setting on our whole "National Terror Warning Level" system? No politician will ever approve going there. If the smallest terrorist attack were to happen, they'd lose their career. So why have it? Maybe it's like nipples on guys: they don't really serve any purpose, but they're still there for show.

So people are always talking about genetic engineering, and how it's horrible to play God. Sorry, we've been playing God since Adam and Eve. We mess it up on a regular basis, but that's what kids do when trying to emulate their parents. It's also how we learn. And quite frankly, I think it's the only hope for humanity, because I think we're breeding stupidity into the human race. Let me explain.

I think most experts would agree intelligence (by whatever definition you use) is acquired by some unknown combination of genetics and environment. Well, it's a statistical fact that the more intelligent and educated you are, the fewer children you are likely to have. If you don't believe me, look it up. Now there could be many reasons from this, from the intelligentsia being more desirous of keeping our population under control, to stupid people being better at sex (which could explain why all Porn Stars seem to have IQs in the low double digits), from intelligent people wanting to conserve resources to offer more opportunities to their children, to morons who can't figure out birth control. I offer no explanations for the data, but it is pretty much inarguable.

What's my point? If intelligence is even partly genetic, and idiots have more kids, then we're breeding stupidity into the human race. If you don't believe me, watch daytime TV.

So humanity has only two real threads of hope.

1) Since I'm a well-educated man with an IQ far above average, any women who wish to bear my children for the sake of saving humankind, just email me. I'll be glad to help out (just don't expect me to pay for them).

2) Since I can't do it all by myself (much as I'd like to try), maybe soon we can use genetic engineering to make each succeeding generation healthier and more intelligent. Where's the downside? So what if my kids are smarter and think they know better than me? Every generation has thought that about their parents; this time it would just be true.

But there are thngs we need more than intelligence and health. Let me offer two things that I think genetic scientists need to concentrate on immediately, IMHO.

a) Removal of all body hair except eyebrows and scalp. (Almost) nobody likes being hairy, and (almost) nobody likes being with somebody hairy. Let's just get rid of it all.

b) Let's give women the ability to purr. That would the coolest thing since fake orgasms and Lesbian Porn. Sorry, I never thought sliced bread was really that cool. But guys; give me a "Hell yeah" if you think it would be cool to make a chick purr.

Well, those are my thoughts for the day. Feel free to let me know your thoughts by dropping an email to pianoman@jessmills.com - I may even write back!

Remember - without nipples, breasts would be pointless.

Jess

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