Well, I realized something last night. You know those cheap pink or purple wigs girls sometimes wear? About shoulder-length, with bangs?

I'm totally turned on by girls wearing them. Weird, huh?

Now, I have a lot of turn-ons, it's true. But all the others, I can say "I like this because of that, or it makes me think of this..." or whatever. They make sense. But the wig thing? I don't get that. But if a girl is a 6 or a 7 before, she puts on one of those and becomes an 8 or a 9 in my book. And if she's already an 8 or 9, then... Whew.

And it's not like I've ever dated a girl that wore one (though I may try to change that in the near future). So I don't really have any memories attached to them.

I'm going to have to think about this one. But for all you thousands of girls out there vying for my attention, now you have a little inside tip from the man himself.

Talk to you all soon,

Jester

You know, I'm just going to vent about something private, and probably not that humorous, so feel free to skip this one.

I don't fall for girls. I have a long history of not falling for girls. I like girls, I date them, I love their company. I'm as heterosexual as a man can get. But I don't get attached, and I don't fall in love.

When people hear this, or when they notice it, they talk to me about how I have to let go. How I have to risk my heart. Or how there's such a shell of protective armor around my deepest emotions. How someday some girl will overcome it, if only I let her. How I can't be afraid to fall in love.

And it's all bullshit. I have no protective armor. There's no wall to my emotions. Either I'm different, because I simply don't fall in love, or I'm the same as everybody, but simply more honest with myself. I don't know which, all I know is that I don't create emotions or attachments where there aren't any.

This last year, I fell in love. It didn't take effort. There was no letting go. There was no fear. I met the girl for me, and I fell in love. Hadn't felt that way about a girl in years, and years.

It ended badly. It happens. That's life. We're currently not speaking. We may change that someday, we may not. Who knows.

But when I try to talk to my friends about it, all they want to do is talk about protective armor, and taking a chance on love, and not letting this one scare me away from future love. And I want to scream "DON'T PUT ME IN A BOX!!! LISTEN TO ME, TO WHAT I'M SAYING, NOT WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE HAS SAID IN THE PAST!!!!" But I can't, because they mean well. They're just putting themselves where they think I am, instead of thinking about me being where I am.

Ironically, there's one girl that understood me well enough not to do that. To actually listen to me, and think about what I'm saying, not just what everybody else would do. Of course, it's the girl I fell for, and am not speaking to. And even if we were speaking, I don't think that would be a good topic.

I just wish that I could talk to someone without them immediately saying "We all go through that" or "I've been there" and proceeding to show that no, they really haven't. I wish I could tell someone I'm happy it happened just so I could feel what it was like to be in love, without them proceeding to talk about how it's great I've learned to tear down those walls, yada yada yada, and how now I'm ready to find the right person, and fall in love, and live happily ever after.

I DID find the right person! Why don't they listen? I'm not out to replace her. I'm not out to fall in love again. And if I grow old by myself, that's GREAT by me. I've lived by myself for years now, and I gotta say, it's the way to go.

Being alone doesn't scare me. Never falling in love again doesn't scare me. Spending the rest of my life without a spouse doesn't scare me. If I had a choice, I'd rather spend it with her. But not because I want somebody to love. Not because I need somebody there for me. Not because of any fears, or gaps, or incompleteness, or anything like that. Just because of who she is.

So, if you've actually read this... If you tell me that I'm going to make some girl really happy someday, or that there's a beautiful heart under my cynical exterior, or that I'll fall in love again if I just have faith...

I WILL BEAT YOU!!! I WILL SMACK YOU INTO THE NEXT WEEK!!! I WILL OPEN AN ENTIRE CASE OF WHOOP-ASS ON YOU!!!

Thank you, and have a nice day.

So I went and had supper at my friend Kristen's house in Slidell tonight. We had sushi and sake, and I discovered a few things.

Sake - tastes halfway between tequila and vodka. No effect on me. Drank half a bottle, didn't get even a slight buzz.

Louisiana people - no clue what a long drive is. People have been telling me for months that Kristen just lives so far away, and how it's this huge drive. It's 45 minutes from her door to mine, going the speed limit.

Also, there's a strip club in Slidell I saw a billboard for: it's called "Scuttlebutt."

I haven't decided whether that's a horrible name for a strip club, or sheer genius.

Jester

You know, when I was in college, there was always the "old man" at the party. Somebody who was too old to fit in, but didn't want to admit it. Some guy who was living way in the past, and didn't realize that it wasn't the 80s anymore, and he wasn't cool. We always felt sorry for him, and cracked jokes. It wasn't even the same guy, usually.

My friends have all been complaining about how old they are, and feel. To a small extent, I can understand. It's hard to believe that kids who weren't even born when "Top Gun" and "Back to the Future" came out are old enough to vote.

But I don't feel any older. I'm 27 now, and it feels very young. I know what's on the radio, and what shows are on TV. I'm as comfortable with today's pop culture as I am of the 80s and 90s. I'm up on stage making music for the college kids on the weekend. The majority of the girls I date are indeed the college-age girls. I don't dress in the most current fashions, but then again, I never did.

So I can't help but wonder - am I the "old man" at the party now?