Okay, life is going to slow down any moment now, right?

Of course, if it did, the boredom would kill me...

Memo to the world - go see "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." It's the best movie (non Peter Jackson directed) that I've seen in years.

Until "Serenity" comes out, that is (all hail Joss Whedon!!!).

I'm tired, and I'm going to go to bed now. The sun is coming up, and my cave is calling.

Jess

I love being in the rock'n'roll world. Let me give you some words of wisdom from some of my (much more famous and rich) rock brethren. They're so profound, they're... Almost intelligible.

"I'm not a snob. Ask anybody. Well, anybody who matters."
Simon LeBon

"There's a basic rule which runs through all kinds of music, kind of an unwritten rule. I don't know what it is."
Ron Wood

"We use volume to drive evil spirits out the back of your head, and by evil spirits I mean the job, the boss, the spouse, the probation officer."
David Lee Roth

"It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people."
Axl Rose

"Damn, I look good with guns."
Ted Nugent

"I should think that being my old lady would be all the satisfaction or career any woman needs."
Mick Jagger

Any questions?

Well, after backing out of the comedy club on Tuesday, Monica and Alex and I were supposed to go to the zoo tomorrow. She cancelled.

This would probably be tragic and annoying, if it weren't for the fact that I'm so used to this, that I always make other plans 'cause I know she's going to back out.

What's going to be difficult is if someday she actually wants to do something, and I've already made other plans. But that day is a long day in the future, I think.

This week has been absolutely insanely busy, but I've enjoyed it immensely. I'm back to either gigging or recording seven nights a week. It's less strenuous than when I was working seven nights a week at "Howl" (plus I don't have to listen to Joe Miraglilo's bullshit), but I'm making about the same amount of money.

Money is my friend. Along with caffeine, frozen pizza, and drunk women. What else could a bachelor want?

Well, I'm going to leave you with the following international proverbs:

"He that cannot dance claims the floor is uneven." Hindustan
(I've got to use that one!)

"When one has no needle, thread is of little use." Japanese
(Unless you've read the Pern novels by Anne McCaffrey)

"When the ship has sunk, everyone knows how she could have been saved." Italian
(I'm the king of the wooorrrllllddd!!!!)

"It is not for the blind to give an opinion on colors." Italian
(And yet Hip-Hop fans critique my music...)

"Fault denied is twice committed." French
(Who would have thought the French would have something worthwhile to say?)

"The longer the explanation, the bigger the lie." Chinese
(Let me give you a long explanation about the size of my genitalia...)

Okay, I think that's enough for now. Laters!

Jess

Zappa's Law: there are two things on Earth that are universal; Hydrogen and stupidity.

Green's Law of Debate: Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.

Harrison's Postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Man, what a week it's been, and I don't know when it's going to stop.

I've got the first rough track done for my Rock CD. Jonathan is a genius.

St. Patrick's Day at Pat O'Brien's was outstanding. Still recovering.

Tomorrow (later today) I'm driving to Houston to play a Jazz gig with Mark Smith, a friend of mine from college. Then I'm driving back.

Sunday is the official opening of the new choir loft at my church, and I'm working Pat O's again that night.

And so on, and so on.

I'm supposed to go to the Comedy Club on Tuesday night with my friend Monica. So far, she's stood me up at the last minute for every time we were supposed to go out. So I'm not betting on it actually happening. But it would be a pleasant surprise if it did.

Well, I'd better get to sleep.

Jess

I just got through reading Dan Brown’s “The Da Vinci Code.” It seemed to be THE book to read. Everybody is always talking about what a work of genius it is, how intricate, and fast-paced, and unpredictable.

It’s a load of shit.

First off, I haven’t read a book so predictable since my sister talked me into reading the first three “Harry Potter” books (or did I just read the first book three times in a row? It’s hard to tell with that series). The only surprise in the whole book is that there aren’t really any surprises.

Second, it spends a lot of time trashing the Catholic Church. Now, I don’t think there are many who will pretend the Catholic Church is perfect (I’m not a member, nor will I ever be). But it’s done far more good than harm.

Third, I think author Dan Brown has had his nuts clipped, and been heavily into estrogen injections.

The whole book is preaching about the superiority of women over men. It couches it in terms such as “the sacred feminine” and “the natural harmony.” But while it talks about the balance of women and men, what it seems to long for is a world where women rule the world in wisdom, peace and tranquility, keeping us barbarous men from massacring each other.

Now, I’m not a big believer in male superiority. But neither do I believe in female superiority. Or white superiority. Or black superiority. Or Longhorn or Aggie superiority. There are superior individuals in any group, but I can’t think of any groups offhand that I just think are superior (I’m sure somebody will point out an exception to me). And I kinda find the implication offensive, that I’m superior or inferior simply because of my gender, or race, or hair color. My failings and successes are my own.

While I’m tackling this, I’ve been reading a lot of historical fiction that gives rise to the belief that in ancient societies, whether Native American or Celtic or Nordic or whatever, the women were wise, powerful, and the men naturally catered to them and gave them all the respect and devotion so sadly lacking through most of the Judeo-Christian history.

Well, it’s a good thing it’s fiction, because from every study and history book I’ve read, that’s just bullshit.

If there’s one universal truth about Human Nature, it’s that the strong oppress the weak. For most of our history, that’s been mainly based on physical strength. Well, news flash; generally speaking, men are physically stronger than women. For every Wise Woman feared and respected, there were a hundred women treated as slaves. Offensive? Yes. Disgusting? More than I could ever express. But true.

The beauty of technology (no, not just computers, but all technology) is that it has a tendency to minimize the role of physical strength. A scrawny man (such as myself) can drive a car just as easily as a body-builder. And a just society strives to equalize the opportunities of all members, regardless of size, strength, gender, race, food preference, or whatever. Due partly to its high level of technology, our present society, though far from just, is perhaps the most equal that the world has ever seen. And I hope it gets more so. But the key to this is not to elevate women above men. It’s to quit elevating one group over another.

I don’t want to hear about Chivalry; it was a way to highly prize your (female) property. I don’t want to hear about “women’s intuition” and “the mysteries of womanhood” and “Instinctive Women’s Wisdom” or even the “mystical spirituality of the sacred feminine.” That’s just superstitious bullshit created as a reflexive backlash against a cruel and unjust oppression.

I don’t want mysticism. I don’t want pedestals. I don’t want to hear about the sacred natural roles. I want to live in a world where we judge people by what they do, not what they look like, or what group they were born into.

There’s a Garth Brooks song that says (among other great things)

“...and when money talks for the very last time,
When nobody walks a step behind,
When there’s only one race, and that’s mankind -
Then we shall be free.”

Not a world ruled by women. Not a world ruled by men. Not a world better for white people. Not a world better for black people. Not a world where we are told to fit into our “natural” roles. But a world where we can be free to be judged solely on our accomplishments...

That’s the world I want to live in. How about you?

As some of you know, there’s a concerted effort to give “Angel” one more year. The petition to the WB had over 60,00 signatures, last time I looked.

Well, if you want to get involved, there are actually things you can do. For more info, click on the banner at the top of my home page.

Let’s do this thing. Without “Angel,” all that’s left is “Smallville.” And though I love the character of Lex, everything else on “Smallville” is rather predictable.

Talk to you all soon!

Jess

P.S. Heidi - how’s them foreign lands?

This is my long awaited rant on strip clubs and romance novels. This is also in my "Random Notes" section of my website.

I never understood the appeal of strip clubs. Don’t get me wrong, I love to look at beautiful naked women. One of the best things about being a musician is getting flashed by a hot groupie (doesn’t ever happen when I’m playing with my Jazz Combo, though).

But I’ve never quite gotten the point in going to a place where you’re surrounded by gorgeous naked (or mostly naked) women whose whole job is to turn you on, and then you have to go home. It’s always seemed like going to a buffet at a nice restaurant, looking at the food, working up an appetite, then going home and eating a sandwich. Why would you do that to yourself?

I think I get it, now. It’s the male equivalent of a cheap Romance novel.

Now I need to clarify that I’m not really an expert on either strip clubs or romance novels. I’ve only gone to a strip club a grand total of three times in my life, and all three times were to see a girl I was dating. And all the romance novels I’ve read were from one summer staying with a sister who had no other books (I’m a compulsive reader - I HAVE to read every day). So I’ve read about 40 or 50 romance novels in my life. Definitely not enough to make me a real expert.

Generally speaking, I don’t believe that either men nor women write romance very well (there are a few exceptions). But in romance novels (which I think we’ll all agree are mainly written by and for women), there are certain things that almost always apply. There’s the woman and her former boyfriend or husband, but the important thing is The Man. Let’s look at The Man:

Tall, very muscular
Very wealthy, unless he’s a cop. Often poses as a laborer, but actually owns the company.
Very sexually experienced, unlike the woman, who’s either a virgin or had one lover
At first he seems cold and distant, or possibly arrogant, but it’s a cover for his Inner Passion
Often bitter towards women, since he’s never really been in love
A great sense of ethics and morality

But the most important thing about The Man is how he changes in the course of the novel. Somewhere along the way he has an epiphanal moment where he realizes he’s In Love. At this moment, he realizes he doesn’t want any other woman ever again. He can’t stand the thought of being intimate with any other woman other than his soulmate. She’s healed him of his bitterness, and he’s happy for the first time. In return, he rescues her from whatever her situation is, and cherished her forever. They decide on three kids, and an awesome wedding.

Oh, and generally somewhere along the way, he forces her into having sex, but it’s not rape, because she really wants it.

Why am I bringing all of this up? It’s not to make fun of it, it’s to say that this is a fantasy world. It’s a world where the man plays by women’s rules. Women don’t understand how men think (no, you really don’t, I swear), so in romance novels, they create men they can understand. Men that act like women feel men should. I think most women know that men aren’t like the ones in romance novels. But they like the idea that somewhere out there, there’s a man like that.

I think men are a lot more straight-forward than women. We are just as in touch with our feelings; we’re just not as turbulent. And one of the biggest differences is that our sex drives are not really related to our emotions. Yes, we are more relaxed and generally in a better mood after sex, but that’s about it.

For most of the women I talk to, everything changes after sex. The way she feels about the guy, the intimacy she feels that she’s shared. And then there’s often a sense of betrayal when the guy doesn’t seem to feel anything has changed. Because for guys, sex is great, it’s awesome, it’s very much a need. But it’s not any more related to love than any other activity.

Is it more intimate for a guy if he’s in love? Of course, but so is watching a movie with his girl, or listening to music, or eating a meal, even just talking.

Quite often, as a result of this, men lie about their emotions to manipulate women so they can get some sex, and women use sex to manipulate men. I don’t condone either gender for this; I think manipulating another person is disgusting. But I think it’s equally shared by both sides, and I don’t think either one can claim a moral high ground in this.

Now let’s bring up strip clubs.

Like romance novels, strip clubs are a fantasy world, but one where women act men think they should.

When a guy walks into a strip club, he knows exactly what’s going to happen. He doesn’t have to guess what kind of mood the girls are in. He doesn’t have to listen to conversation when he’s not in the mood for it. They don’t want to talk about their relatives, or their feelings, or any of the mundanities of life. The girls are just in the mood to be sexy. They are there to be like men wish women would be. Straight-forward and horny. And even if they’re not, they’re good at pretending to be, or they wouldn’t be able to make any money.

A healthy fantasy life is good, I think. It’s nice to have a place to retreat to, where things make more sense than they do in real life. Where good wins, and everybody lives happily ever after. And I don’t really see any problem with either strip clubs or romance novels, provided that you realize that they’re not even slightly based in reality.

Men; you can pay women to pretend they like you and you turn them on. It doesn’t mean it’s true. Wait ‘til you’re out of money, and see whether they’re still there. Also, if they’re really into you, it’s still not likely they’re going to invite their friends over so you can all “have fun” together (although it does sometimes happen).

Women; even if a man is totally in love with you, he’d still like to have sex with other women. He just knows it’s not worth losing you. He’s probably not going to have an epiphanal moment where his love for you makes him emotionally a woman. We’re wired differently (ask me about the whole “crying” issue.), so don’t expect him to change. Also, make sure he really cares before you have sex, because that’s not going to change his feelings.

Well, that’s enough for now.

Have any thoughts about this? Agree or disagree? Tell me why!

Email me at pianoman@jessmills.com

As most of you know, I am a total Joss Whedon fanatic; in my opinion, without him, there would be no consistently good television on the air.

And soon there won’t be. They cancelled “Firefly.” “Buffy” had a good run. And now the WB has axed “Angel” as it was hitting its stride like never before. Which is saying a lot; I thought nothing would ever top “Buffy,” but “Angel” did.

At least there’s going to be a movie based on “Firefly” called “Serenity.” And if there’s any justice in this world, some TV exec will want a series based on it.

Anyway, I’m rather bummed about this (and my total lack of female company lately). So I leave you with the words of Joss Whedon Himself on this issue (the cancellation of Angel, not my lack of female company).

Jess

“Thanks all for your support, your community, and your perfectly sane devotion. It's meant a lot. I regret nothing (except the string of grisly murders in the '80s – what was THAT all about?) Remember the words of the poet:

"Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I took the road less traveled by
and they CANCELLED MY FRIKKIN' SHOW.
I totally shoulda took the road
that had all those people on it.
Damn."

Joss Whedon

Is it just me, or is spam getting worse?

No, I’m not talking about getting more and more of it: in fact, I get so much, I don’t even try counting. I’m talking about the quality of spam.

It used to be that if I didn’t stop to consider that I didn’t know the sender, I wouldn’t be able to tell at a glance that it was spam.

Nowadays, there are usually all sorts of random letters and misspellings in the subject line. And they refer to me by my email address as if it was my name.

Now, just for the record, I know that there’s no magic pill to make my penis grow to 10 inches long, and even if there was, I’m not sure I’d want it. I know that there’s no beta test of a Microsoft email tracker that will give me 50 cents for every person I forward an email to. I know that Honda is not giving out free cars. I know that there’s no sick kid who’s waiting on us to forward a chain letter so his warped doctors will finally give him his treatment. I know there’s no dead guy from Zimbabwestan whose widow will give me half his estate, if only I give her my bank account info and credit card numbers so she can bring the money into the States.

Furthermore, all the porn ads have begun to look the same (I think I may have mentioned this before): “see barely legal teens doing unbelievable things with large objects in strange holes!”

And I want to see this because? I mean, I’m sure it’s funny, but not funny enough to pay $19.95 a month.

This is a rallying cry to all you spammers out there: do better! Be more convincing! Offer something new, and spell it right while you’re at it!

Okay, I think I really ought to get some sleep now.

Jess

Well, I have been chastised indirectly for not updating my blog. I was reading a friend’s “weekly rant,” and she mentioned that people ought not to claim that they are going to update their blog, unless they actually get around to it.

Guilty as charged.

Things are going real well at Pat O’Brien’s right now. I think my boss is the coolest, and the guys I work with are all great. They’re also a whole lot easier to get along with than the ones at “Howl at the Moon.” A lot less “Prima Donna” attitude at Pat O’s.

I was having a discussion with my friend Kate the other day. She’s on my top five list of musicians that I’ve ever gotten the pleasure of working with; an incredible bass player, singer, Horn player, and arranger. Well, she was telling me about how she loves Jazz, and lives it, and has dedicated her life to the pursuit of it, no matter whether the audiences can really follow. And I respect that thoroughly, and once I felt the same.

But I realized that for me, the music is no longer about me, and what it does for me, and to me. It’s about what I can share with those listening. I want it to be genuine, and I want it to be challenging, and I want it to be emotional. But it also has to resonate with my audience, or I feel like I’m not doing anything worthwhile. I guess that makes me more an entertainer than a musician. But I’m cool with that.

Thursday night I was playing at Pat O’s, and there was this old couple there, celebrating some anniversary. They looked like they knew Yoda when he was just a boy. But the cool thing was that whenver we’d get a good groove going, they’d get up and dance. And man, could they dance. It was one of the most impressive things I’ve ever seen. And at that moment is what I live for; what I was doing onstage was giving these people a night they’ll remember for a long time. It was letting them do something that made them truly happy.

To me, that’s what it’s all about. I love Jazz, and I love Classical, but I’ll never be a Jazzer, and I’ll never be a respected Classical player. I’ll visit those worlds every chance I get, but I can’t live there. It’s too lonely. Too many players, not enough listeners.

Speaking of which, I laid down two more scratch tracks for my Rock CD last night. I think it’s all going real well. I’m working with my good friend Jonathan Fernandez; I write the lyrics, melodies and chord progressions, but he does all the rest. I told him that I expect him to make the songs sound cool. I think he thought I was joking.

I do keep hoping that he’ll find a button on his mixer that will make me sound like Steve Tyler.

On the personal front, my life is still a soap opera. I think I’m about to give up on women, though. No, I've never made that resolve before. It should last at least a half-hour.

Heidi, if you’re reading this, I updated my blog. Feel better?

Remember, it’s not the size of the axe, nor is it the way you swing it; it’s being smart enough to realize what century we’re in, and going and getting a chainsaw.

Okay, so that metaphor didn’t exactly work out. But I still prefer chainsaws to axes. I mean, “The Texas Axe Massacre” just doesn’t sound as cool, does it?

Jess

Well, except for the “Random Notes” section, I think I’m done with my redesign and re-organization of my website. I’ve redone every page, and though there are a couple of minor bugs left to fix, I think I’m mostly done.

Next I’m going to finish my first batch of essays for the “Random Notes” section, so I can get that up, and then I’m going to redesign all the merchandise.

No, I don’t have too much time on my hands, or anything.

Ladies, wanna help out and keep me occupied? No? Well, it was worth a shot.

Remember, when life hands you a lemon, that’s your chance to find your arch nemesis and squirt some citrus juice in his (or her) eyes. Always good for the soul.

Jess

P.S. Now I can start writing in my blog about non-work and non-website related topics again. Yay me!

Well, the updates are happening. Pics are done (new ones will come soon), and most of the pages are updated and streamlined. Still working on “Random Notes,” “CDs,” and “Info.” But those will be done soon.

Come back often, check it out, and be sure to sign in the guestbook and guestmap!

Jess

Okay, so I lied about the daily updates. Sorry.

I just got back from New Orleans a few days ago. Awesome. I’ll be writing more about that soon.

I just took over website management from my good friend Herbert Midgley. Although he’s far better at it than I, I just like to tinker with things continually. And it’s not fair to expect him to do that.

So, I’m learning how to create and maintain a website. Never really done it before. It’s very time-consuming, I’m finding out.

So, over the next week or so, things will keep changing, and there will probably be a lot of links that don’t work at first. Keep coming back, and it will all be fixed soon.

Jess

It’s raining right now, and this is the time I love having a tin roof. There are very few things in life I find more relaxing than the sound of rain on a tin roof.

Well, everything seems to be working out at Pat O’Brien’s. I didn’t blow them away on my opening weekend, but I didn’t embarass myself, either. They’re flying me out to New Orleans this weekend, and I am so incredibly excited. I’ve always wanted to go, and not only am I going, but I’m playing on Bourbon Street! And I’m getting paid to do this!

I wish that I was going with at least one friend, though. It won’t be quite as much fun by myself. But I’m hoping that if things work out as well as I think they could, that I can make another trip somewhere down the road.

I’ve lost another friend to Windows XP. Just when I was finally starting to convince all my friends of the innate superiority of Apple Computers, Windows came out with their first stable operating system since DOS (which I still think was a fabulous program). I still think Apple Computers are better (though I’ll be the first to admit they’re a lot more expensive), but without all the bugs of Windows to point out, it’s going to be harder to preach the Gospel according to Macintosh.

I’d sworn off dating strippers, since my last experience with one was so disastrous and painful. But now I’m remembering why I started in the first place; when you work at night, it’s really, really hard to find someone with a compatible schedule. And strippers keep pretty much the same hours as I do. Of course, they all have kids, and that can be tough. And right now, I’m too poor to be dating anybody, and dating strippers is expensive. But still, the prospect is starting to look enticing once again.

I want to build a castle. No, make that a Castle, with a capital “C.” And I want to build it on the top of a hill in the Hill Country of Texas, close enough to Austin and San Antonio that I can still gig there. Most people want their own house, but I want a castle. With secret passageways, and possibly an underground lake (a pond would probably do) where I could play “Phantom of the Opera.” Not that there would be that much opera going on. No moats, though. They stink. And if my castle ever becomes haunted, then I can call in the Scooby-Doo gang to reveal that it’s just Old Man Withers scaring everybody. More on this at a later date.

Well, I’m going back to practicing now. Talk to you all soon,

Jess

Okay, sorry about the long absence in my blog. Here’s the basics.

I got fired from “Howl at the Moon.” First time I’ve ever been fired.

A month ago, I was working my ass of, and I felt I was doing quite well. In fact, I was a little overworked. But the compliments kept rolling in from customers, and the tips were coming in real well, and I was on top of the world.

Well, the new entertainment manager of “Howl” decided that I have no talent. He’s been giving me advice that made no sense anyway, but I followed it because he was the boss. In a situation like that, I smile and nod, and do what the man says; after all, the paychecks come through him. Truth is, he’s a lousy musician that thinks he’s a bad-ass. And on trumpet, he is. But as a singer and vocalist? Not so much.

But all is not lost; I’m on track (though nothing’s set in stone) to start at “Pat O’Brien’s” in a couple of weeks. It’s another piano bar, in fact, part of a much more well known and illustrious chain, based out of New Orleans. The gig is very different, and I’m a little nervous, but I’m also looking forward to it. And from what I hear, they are much more loyal. And that’s something I highly desire.

That’s been the focus of my life for the last few weeks, and I didn’t want to say anything until the smoke cleared.

But for all you faithful readers, the Jester Journals are back online. Expect daily updates!

Jess

Wow. This has been one helluva night.

My career has taken an unexpected turn. Not for the better, possibly, but not necessarily for the worse. More on that, when the dust settles.

In my stupor, I have been distracting myself by reading Chuck Palahniuk books. That man is seriously twisted. His insights into life are undeniable, but I always feel bizarrely disoriented after reading his work for any length of time. Much like watching “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.”

And now I have to get ready for church.

What a life.

Jess

Sometimes the news is a little less than accurate. Not necessarily in a malicious way, but by journalists who don’t truly understand what it is they’re saying.
I just saw the headline “AIDS TURNS A CHILD INTO AN ORPHAN EVERY 14 SECONDS.” Now it seems unlikely to me that AIDS works like clockwork, waiting 14 seconds, then killing somebody else. But that’s what the headline said. For that matter, it seems that it’s the same child being turned into an orphan over and over again.
Sucks to be him (or her).

Now, we all know what they’re trying to say. But is it too much to ask for trained professionals (most of whom have degrees in this field) to know what it is they’re saying? And to do it accurately?

Some other headlines that caught my eye...

“U.S. TO TRY MIDEAST DIPLOMACY AGAIN.” Ooh, that’s new. Has there been a time in the last 30 years when that wasn’t true?

“ARMED GANGS THREATEN MEXICAN TURTLES.” Do I really need to say anything about that? The visual alone keeps me cracking up.

“RUSSIAN SPACE ENGINEERS EAGER TO JOIN U.S.” Well, quite possibly, but I think the story meant to say they’re wanting to work with NASA on the manned Mars mission.

“DOCTORS REMOVE 175 POUND TUMOR FROM WOMAN.” Now, there’s nothing wrong grammatically with that headline. I’m just thinking “OUCH!!!!!” Her tumor weighed more than me! After the surgery, she only weighed 88 pounds. Damn.

“FUEL CELL TECHNOLOGY HAS MILITARY USES.” And what technology have we developed that doesn’t?

“NEW INTERNET VIRUS SPREADING FAST.” As opposed to all of those that spread really, really slowly?

Well, enough news for now. I’m going to read a book and catch some shut-eye.

Remember - if you’re too drunk to drive, take somebody else’s car.

Jess

There is a problem with male/female communications. Some of you may have noticed this once or twice in your life.

It can begin as early as the first conversation:

Man says “Hi.”
Woman says “Hi.”

By now, both sides have received mistaken impressions. The woman is thinking, “Hey, he wants to talk to me.” The man is thinking “She said hi. I bet she thinks I’m hot. We might have sex.”

The truth is more mundane, but who wants to hear that?

Sadly the level of miscommunication and self-delusion rarely improves.

This is partly because we hear what we want to hear. We’ll spin anything to try to fit what we want life to be, or sometimes what we’re afraid it might be. Someone once told me that everybody is the star of their own drama. The older I get, the more truth I see in that statement. We make more of some things than they really are, and ignore the things we don’t want to see.

I think the truth is not that we can’t understand the other sex. It's that we don’t really try. We want them to understand us. We want them to play by our rules, and play our game. We want them to have a leading role as the romantic interest in our drama. We don’t want to star in theirs.

Then again, sometimes you find out you’re just the comic relief.

I’m just gotten out of a really, really bad relationship. Well, it wasn’t really a relationship, but I wanted it to be. And sometimes deluded myself into thinking it was. Really, I was just the poor schmuck who can't believe the bad girl is bad. "No," I thought. "Nobody could lie that much, and that blatantly. Nobody could be that self-centered." Yes, yes they can.

But it hurt a lot, finding out that I wasn’t anywhere near as important to her as she was to me. It’s a position I’ve tried really, really hard not to get into for a long, long time. And had succeeded, until now. But I fell into the trap of hearing what I wanted to hear, because it made life better for awhile.

The longer you deny truth, though, the more it feels like you’ve been whacked upside the head with a 2-by-4 when it finally hits.

Why do they call it a 2-by-4 when it’s not actually 2 inches by 4 inches? That’s false advertising. I ought to use that measuring system when people ask me personal questions about the size of my genitalia.

But life goes on. I’ve met someone cool, and though it’s not a “Love at first sight” kinda thing, we’ve started out with some real honesty. It’s a nice change. I’m really trying to listen to what she says, and not interpret it in guy language. That's not the language she's speaking. And I think she’s trying to understand me. Not on our own terms, but each other’s.

It’s a good start.

Remember - as George. W. Bush said, “Our nation must come together to unite.” How can you argue with a statement that inspired?

Jess

I'm in a bad, bad mood right now. But I've found writing about it doesn't help; it usually just fuels my mood even farther.

So I'm not going to post anything tonight. For my fans (both of you - love you guys), tune in tomorrow night. I'll have something witty and free of bitterness then.

Jess