Okay, I just don't understand women sometimes.

Not that this is really breaking news, but...

I've never really cared for the song "Your Body is a Wonderland." I thought it was stupid, cheesy, poorly written, and boring as hell. And that's saying a lot, in the world of pop music.

However, girl after girl after girl has told me it's just the most sexy, romantic song ever. And I invariably ask "Why? It's just about a guy getting a piece!" The uniform response has been that he just says it so perfectly, so sexy, that you can bet he'd get it.

Well, always wanting to increase my "getting some" skills, I looked at the song. Could't be the chords - it was a typical country music progression, I, V, IV, V. It couldn't be the melody, 'cause it's only four or five notes in typical step-wise fashion. No catchy rhythms.

Must be the lyrics. Let's see...

Is it the line about "One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue."? I don't know about you, but nothing says "sexy" like bubblegum. Maybe it's "swimming a deep sea of blankets." There're few descriptions in life more poetic than that, right? Hmm... Maybe it's just the whole "Your body is a wonderland, your body is a wonder, I'll use my hands" line. Because you know, it's always good to mention using your hands.

Okay, I give up. I find nothing outstandingly sexy or unusually romantic about this song. I've learned it, and I'll undoubtedly sing it five times a week for the rest of my piano bar career, but I just don't get this one. Out of all the romantic songs, all the sexy songs, this one I would put at the bottom of my list. And all the girls reading this will be saying "he just doesn't get it." And they'll be right. But I'd love for you to explain it (without just telling me "it's the way he says it.")

Aaarrgghh....

Talk to you all later,

Jester