Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Group Sex

Or maybe just the effect of gender upon groups.

I'm just an observer of human nature, but I think if you want to go out in public as a group, it's best to do it with some mixture of both men and women.

If you get a bunch of men together, not only does their IQ drop, but their maturity level drops further and further, until you end up with a bunch of 5th graders who are legally able to drink. Something's going to wind up broken, the humor is going to be tasteless and tactless, and nobody will want to explain any of the goings-on to the uninitiated.

If you get a bunch of women in a group, however... It's not that their IQ goes down, but they do get more and more bitchy, catty, cheap, and bossy. Ask anybody who relies on tips how they feel when they see a bachelorette party arrive. In my case, I know that at least one girl is going to be pissed that I don't play exclusively her songs (for free) and ignore the rest of the crowd - after all, her friend is getting married! Don't I understand that? Maybe if she just screams a little louder in my ear, I'll get the point.

Men I think understand that we're not fit for public viewing when we're like this. Throughout history, men have endeavoured to create "men only" get-togethers so we can act like idiots and not know about it the next day. Women have always tried to crash these things, somehow thinking they were missing out on something. Well, yes, they were. But if they actually knew how it would be, they'd know they weren't missing out on anything they'd actually WANT to attend!

I think women also have longer memories for embarassment than men. I know if I want a recollection of every social faux pas I've ever made, just ask any girl who was there. There are a few incidents that stand out with the men, of course, but men tend to forget. Women file it away as ammo for the sake of future arguments (and the difference between men and women arguing is DEFINITELY a post for later!).

So men tend to prefer to be alone when they congregate in groups. And it's a very, very good thing.

For whatever reason, though, women seem to prefer to go out in public when they've got a group together. And afterwards, they acknowledge that every girl there was bitchy, and obnoxious... But not herself, no. She was completely justified in belittling the man buying her drinks, right before asking him to buy her another. She was completely justified in not tipping the waiter anything; the service just wasn't as good. But her friends? They were all bitches, and she was embarassed by them.

Mixed groups seem to be the best, if you're going out in public. Yes, that one couple is going to be fighting and snipping to an awkward degree. And yes, one couple is going to be wayyyyy too PDA. But for the most part, it keeps the men from losing all emotional maturity, and the women from displaying the PMS Avenger each of them keeps inside.

Now, don't get me wrong - I usually have a lot of fun when I get together with the guys. I just don't think anybody else needs to be exposed to something that tacky and offensive. Which is pretty much the reason I wear shirts in public, too. And I imagine that women have a lot of fun in groups (though they usually end up bitching to me about it the next day). But I think there should be certain "safe zones" for women to do it. Any viewing of "Sex and the City" qualifies. Any living room where a TV is playing "The View" also works. These are almost guaranteed to be man-free zones (unless a man has been dragged there by a woman insisting he'll love it, and somehow he forgot where he left his testicles and agreed to try it). But out in public? Only if they all sign an agreement saying that they will fully admit to any and all bitchiness perpetrated while under the influence of other women. And apologize to all parties involved. Should there be denial, video evidence can easily be provided these days!

And women - if guys do want to get together with just other guys - don't sweat it, and don't crash it. Some things are just better left unseen, unwitnessed, so you can remain undisgusted. Trust me; we know you won't understand why we'd find _________ fun and/or funny. That's why we want to have just guys there.

1 comment:

  1. For the most part I completely agree. But I have been with large groups of women. (since I for a long time was the constant friend)And I must say that women are far more disgusting then men are when they get together.

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