Saturday, November 22, 2008

Wouldn't you like to be a pepper, too?

Way back in March, Dr. Pepper scoffed at another report that Axl Rose's long awaited "Chinese Democracy" album would be finished this year. Why, if that CD came out in 2008, they'd give everybody in America a free Dr. Pepper!

For some reason, the offer excluded former G'N'R guitarists Slash and Buckethead. Haters. When Axl found out about this, he commented

"We are surprised and very happy to have the support of Dr Pepper with our album Chinese Democracy, as for us, this came totally out of the blue. If there is any involvement with this promotion by our record company or others, we are unaware of such at this time. And as some of Buckethead's performances are on our album, I'll share my Dr Pepper with him."


Well, contrary to expectations, "Chinese Democracy" has arrived. Well, the album, at least, though not the political reform. And true to their word, Dr. Pepper is going to pay up!

"We never thought this day would come," Dr Pepper's vice president of marketing Tony Jacobs told Variety, speaking no doubt of November 23, which also happens to be Chinese Democracy's release date. "But now that it's here, all we can say is: The Dr Pepper's on us."


When asked to comment, Admiral James T. Kirk had this to say:



KKKAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

Now, any guy who has ever talked to a woman knows that complimenting her is a risky undertaking. Women are beyond pessimistic when it comes to compliments. Generally, she'll either:

1) Refuse to believe your sincerity,
2) Give you a long list of reasons why you're wrong, or
3) All of the above.

After pondering this for the last, I don't know, entire lifetime of mine, I've come to some speculations on why this might be so.

We all know women face a tough road when it comes to looks. Not so much from men, although we are a shallow bunch that loves to judge a book by its cover. No, where it really sucks to be a woman is in the view of other women. Women are ferocious, spiteful, and vicious to each other when it comes to looks. This is from her weight to her makeup to her hair to her outfit...

It is always amusing to me to hear women complain about how fake the female models in men's magazine's look. I have had enough female friends in my life that I've thumbed through a women's magazine or two. They have about ten million more ads than men's magazines, and in all of them, the models look like severely anorexic robots with clown makeup and sci-fi hair. It is everything that women judge, but taken to an impressive excess. What's fake about the women in men's magazines? They airbrush out the stretchmarks, and they usually have overly-large-yet-curiously-perky boobies. That's about it. But I digress.

Women are judged on their appearance from the day they're born, and after awhile, they grow very insecure about it. Who wouldn't? I guarantee, if men had to display their genitalia 24/7 for constant judgment, we'd be a lot more insecure, too. And probably a lot more anorexic; I think that sight would make me lose my appetite.

I don't know who has a tougher time in the long run, beautiful women, or plain/cute/average women.* In their youth, beautiful women don't have to develop a personality. Or brains. Or social skills of any variety. They're given a free pass on every facet of social interaction. I can't tell you how many times a night a 20-something hottie comes up to me onstage and asks to get her song played for free, and in front of all the songs people are tipping me $10 and $20 for. When I laugh and refuse, you can see the fuses blowing in what passes for a mind; she cannot compute being turned down. It's never happened to her before.

Unfortunately, 20-something hotties are usually not so hott a few years down the road. And then what do they do? The only currency they possess is their fast-fading looks, and it's an ever-falling exchange rate.

Average, cute, or plain women on the other hand often develop a sense of humor, an intellect, an ability to listen, and interact, and generally be a good person. And I can't tell you how many times I've seen an average looking girl get hotter and hotter in my eyes based solely on her personality. But she'll be insecure about her looks, I promise you. All her life, she's been judged and found wanting, through no fault of her own.

Yeah, it's a tough, tough world for women. Then throw in men, tossing out the compliments. Men usually do this for one of three reasons:

1) An attempt at manipulation (usually to try to get laid)
2) A feeling of obligation (usually an attempt to avoid drama while in a long-term relationship)
3) Sincerity

Let's look at number one first. Cause that's how I roll. (not with the manipulation, but with taking sequences sequentially)

Women are smarter than men think they are. They don't think the same way, and don't care about the same things, and often come across to men as intellectually inferior. Heh. Don't believe it for a second! Different does not always mean lesser, a lesson both sexes have yet to learn. I could go off on the different ways men and women think, but that's a topic for a whole blog of its own. Or perhaps a series. So what does this mean when it comes to complimenting women to try to get somewhere with them?

While you're thinking about how smooth you are, they're seeing right through you. When it comes to relationships, women are far more devious than any straight man could ever be. Their major weakness is often that they're so Byzantine in their plotting that they have trouble relating to the straight-forward nature of men. So why does complimenting women work to manipulate them so often?

Because they want it to. Trust me guys, you're not going to talk a girl into wanting you. She either does or doesn't, and has likely made up her mind long before you even start trying. You're not manipulating them, they're manipulating themselves. Let your ego deflate and go with it.

So number one? Useless.

Number two - also known as "Of course you look great in that dress, honey" - I've never reached that stage in a relationship, so I can't speak much about it. It seems the height of absurdity to me, but maybe I'll understand when I've been down that road a few miles.

Number three - ah, that's the crux. Complimenting a woman because you mean it.

See, here is the tragedy; I think men innately hold women in a higher regard than they're allowed to express. Women today have been raised to be bitchy, and men know it. Men are no longer raised to be assertive, aggressive, and self-confident. So telling a woman something that she's going to immediately either dismiss or get contrary over - that's not something most modern men can handle.

I intend to write a post later on the negative effects of modern male/female relations. But for now, I'm just going to say it's such a shame that men are in the position they're in on this topic, because I think a lot of men see women as beautiful overall, not just the rare girl who's been starved and made-up and cinched up to meet some artificial standard of beauty.

So men, take my cousin Ben's advice; reach down inside your pants. Feel that ballsack; hold it in your hand, and say to yourself "I am a MAN. I can DO this thing!"

Now that you have come to perhaps the most important realization you can have in this modern world, the next time you see a girl with pretty hair, walk up to her and say "Excuse me, ma'am. I just wanted to tell you you have pretty hair." Then walk off. Don't wait for a response; you don't need one. When you see a girl with a beautiful smile, say "Pardon me, but your smile just brightened my day a little bit." Then walk on. Don't do it for any gain on your part, and do it without fear. Women today need some encouragement; they're in a lonely place. Two thing will come of this; you are going to make some girl's day just a little bit better. And you're going to reclaim a little bit of the manhood that society has stolen from you.

And women; smile. I guarantee, you're far more lovely than you let yourself believe. No, this doesn't entitle you to jack shit. But neither should you worry about it so much. And I know you do.

Peace and shit,

Jester

*As with all generalities, there are abundant exceptions. I know several intoxicatingly gorgeous women who are possessed of the keenest of intellect and richest of humor. I also know average women who are just bitchy. And I've known some downright ugly women of both varieties. It happens.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Peter Schiff knows his shit...

What really bothers me about the talking head experts employed by every news channel - they are never held accountable for their predictions, just as politicians are never held accountable for their broken promises.

In an ideal world, people would be held accountable for their track record. But that is not the world we live in. Now we live in a world where people are only held accountable to say what we want to hear.

Ron Paul was considered a quack for his predictions about where this country, his party, and our policies were headed. He has had an almost 100% accuracy in these. And the result, now that his predictions are coming true?

He's considered a quack.

Another example of this is Peter Schiff. A very smart man and economist, he was considered a quack for his pessimistic views given on any channel that would talk to him. Now that he has been proven right, and the other "experts" were completely wrong? They are still called in regularly to give their "expert opinions", and Peter is still considered a quack.

Watch this:

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Good reading...

Though I occasionally disagree with his conclusions, Justin Raimondo's stock keeps going up and up in my book. He has an interesting way of cutting through BS, and the habit of exhaustively backing up his claims.

Though an early Obama supporter, he has since become soured on our Comrade-In-Chief. Here's a very interesting article he just wrote:

The Audacity of Hype


The mainstream media, particularly on television, has lost all sense of objectivity and proportion, and their reporting of the president-elect's doings has taken on a distinctly Soviet air. "Our Glorious Leader Picks the White House Dog" is the emblematic headline of a servile fourth estate. The political atmosphere is positively eerie: amid calls for "unity" and attacks on "toxic" language that is "divisive," there is an odd uniformity of thought similar to the virtual unanimity that gripped the nation in the wake of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Groupthink is all the rage, and the media has joined in the fun.


CNN, in a strange fit of usefulness and taking a break from prostrating in front of Obama, decided to host a series of articles about the GOP's struggles. They made the mistake of giving a slot to Ron Paul, who proceeded to tell the truth:

The GOP should ask why the USA is on the wrong track:

The questions now being asked are: Where to go from here and who's to blame for the downfall of the Republican Party?

Too bad the concern for the future of the Republican Party had not been seriously addressed in the year 2000 when the Republicans gained control of the House, Senate, and the Presidency.

Now, in light of the election, many are asking: What is the future of the Republican Party?

But that is the wrong question. The proper question should be: Where is our country heading? There's no doubt that a large majority of Americans believe we're on the wrong track. That's why the candidate demanding "change" won the election...

...After eight years of perpetual (and unnecessary and unconstitutional) war, persistent and expanded attacks on our privacy, runaway deficits, and now nationalization of the financial system, Republicans are going to have a tough time regaining the confidence of the American people.


One refrain we've been hearing non-stop from the media is how the "conservatives" lost the election, or how Palin ruined it for McCain. Bullshit. The people who hated her were already celebrating their puppy-love for Obama.

Mark Sanford wrote a pretty telling article on this:

Conservatives didn't lose election, GOP did

Beyond the presidential race, it goes without saying the Republican Party took a shellacking nationally. Some on the left will say our electoral losses are a repudiation of our principles of lower taxes, smaller government and individual liberty. But Tuesday was not in fact a rejection of those principles -- it was a rejection of Republicans' failure to live up to those principles.


And last but not least, remember that bailout program? The one that was going to save us? The one that was necessary to buy up bad stocks? Turns out that the money isn't going for that at all. Instead it's going to forced nationalization of banks, regardless of their solvency.

Paulson changes course
In a stunning turnabout, the Bush administration Wednesday abandoned the original centerpiece of its $700 billion effort to rescue the financial system and said it will not use the money to purchase troubled bank assets.


What's this? An expensive government program, forced upon taxpayers despite overwhelming opposition to it, now changing course and not doing anything that it was promised to do, or intended to do? Unheard of! Not in America! Why, this is outrageous, illegal, immoral!

Wait, which government program are we talking about, again?

Monday, November 10, 2008

Our Grand Strategy!

I have a bet going with a Major in the Air Force who told me that he believes Barack Obama will have our troops out of Iraq within 12 months of taking office. The bet is a steak dinner - I believe it is a win/win situation:

A) I win. I don't believe there's a snowball's chance in hell that Obama will have our troops out in four years, much less one. But then, I didn't think he'd win, or that Ron Paul would've been more than a tiny blip in the political radar. So I'm wrong sometimes - big surprise! But if I'm right, then I get a steak dinner!

B) I lose. In that case, I'll probably order a bottle of champagne to go with the steak dinner! Hell yeah! To have our troops out of there? One of the best reasons to celebrate since women discovered shaving!

In the meantime, I came across a hilarious comic that shows our Iraq strategy so far. It is copyrighted to Matt Wuerker, and I hope that I violate no copyright laws by posting it here.

Friday, November 07, 2008

Vox nails it...

Where was the unprecedented turnout? Where was this giant swell of voters, drawn to the Hope/Change love bus? It didn't show up, turns out.

Yes, I voted Libertarian. No, I didn't make a difference. It's just a ritual I go through. As usual, Vox Day hammers it out of the park.

...Voting these days primarily concerns how the spoils of government revenue will be divided, an act of little interest to the libertarian.

As Nate has pointed out in the past, it is almost impossible to think of a single historical situation where freedom from government control has come about through the peaceful means of voting. (By all means, do feel free to propose any examples in the comments.) Men have voted away their liberties since Gaius Marius was first elected to an unprecedented third term as consul, but they seldom seem to ever see fit to vote themselves more freedom.


And that my friends, is why so many are apathetic. You don't change the system from within. It doesn't work. You can try, and I will think you noble. But it doesn't work.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

What to say, what to say...

So, it's gonna be President Obama.

You probably already know my opinion on this, so I'm not going to repeat it. It's time to take a break from politics.

Witness therefore, the best beer commercial of all time.

video

Now, don't you feel better?