Monday, May 04, 2009

A Thing of Sheer Beauty, it is...

For those of you who, like me, think nothing of regularly cruising websites like "Den of Geek," you are probably familiar with If, however, you actually have a life... If you did not spend your formative years with comic books (I didn't, actually), TV shows (again, I really didn't) and SciFi/Fantasy books (I... um... um... moving on!)... If you did things in your youth like - have friends, and a social life, well... You might not know about Mightygodking.

Well, I'm not going to tell you about all his mighty and wondrous posts. Because you probably wouldn't get them, having no geeky background to place them against. But he just wrote a column which purports to be a conversation between himself and his friend (referred to as "Flapjacks").

It's about the new GI Joe movie, and it is hilarious and brilliant and rather cringe-inducing that I knew a great deal of what he was talking about.

That trailer made the old cartoon look downright realistic. And the cartoon had, among other things: a talking parrot, approximately forty billion laser beams color-coded by side, a tribe of shapechangers, an alien race living beneath the earth, an army of robots that would make Cylons jealous, a vampire youth machine, Atlanteans, a giant blob which the Joes killed by throwing apples at it, a trip to a parallel universe where some of the team found their own bodies, sea serpents, Cobra trying to steal Alaska because of some technicality regarding a seal, giant energy-sucking cubes of dark matter, a bio-dome in the Antarctic, a device that vaporized all of the world’s money, ghost warriors, a magic conch shell that hypnotized men but not women, time-traveling to ancient Greece, the Baroness disguising herself as a chunky fat guy not once but four separate times, Destro attempting to take over the world with giant vegetables, Cobra shrinking its entire army to miniscule size and hiding in toys given away to needy children, the Egyptian god Set, Cobra setting up its own television channel and trying to take over the world with propaganda, dinosaur stampedes, an evil clone of the talking parrot, subliminal messages in rock songs, a crime telethon, and Sgt. Slaughter.

Here it is: There are no ideas, just marketing plans of your childhood

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