Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Well, it's a marvelous night for a Moondance...

Well, my friend Mark is here in Vegas. It's been cool hanging out, working on music and such. And as usual when two guys get together, we talk about chicks.

Now, in New Orleans, I had a reputation as a ladies man. Somewhat deserved, though I don't think as much so as everybody else seemed to believe. But I wasn't about to complain when people assume I'm more suave and attractive to the opposite sex than I actually am.

Here in Vegas, it's been the opposite extreme. I have hardly dated at all since I've been here. (Though somehow, they all still think I'm a ladies man, despite the total lack of dating) It's just the wrong environment for casual dating, and I'm not into relationships. At least, that's my surface excuse. And the nice thing about being shallow is that usually, the surface is all you need.

But in talking to Mark, I realized that I'm just as much into trying a relationship as I ever was, maybe even more so as I'm getting (sadly) older.

The only problem is that I meet fewer and fewer girls that I really want to spend all my time with. When I was a teenager, I had a new crush on a different girl every month, it seemed. When I was in college, I fell for a soprano, who promptly fell in love with somebody who wasn't me. I dated after that, but didn't really fall for anybody else. After graduation, there were a string of interesting dating opportunities, but the key word there is interesting. And the several years of living in Pleasanton, TX, population 47.4 (and I'm related to 42.1 of those), well, it didn't improve things much. The most enticing and alluring girl I ever dated in Pleasanton was a former student of mine. Gorgeous, smart, funny, musical... And thoroughly in love with someone else. Yeah, it happened again (but this one was an alto, not a soprano! See, I learn from my mistakes). Then there was a girl that was actually single, and brilliant (debating politics and philosophy with her was awesome; I lost a lot!), and beautiful. But alas, the roving life of a musician was not that sexy to her. And I'm not about to work a 9-to-5.

And then I moved to New Orleans. And there was the whole Anna fiasco (I got a one-sentence IM from her online a week ago! Yay! What? What do you mean, I'm pathetic???). And after Anna, it was just meet a girl a Pat O's, go on a date, she'd fly away home, meet a girl a Pat O's, go on a date, she'd fly away home, meet a girl a Pat O's, go on a date, she'd fly away home.... I know, a tough, tough life. If you only knew how I suffered... (What? What do you mean, I'm still pathetic???)

I did meet a cool girl online, but as such things go, I've only met her in real life once, and it was when she was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Not the best time to start something.

It's a lot less lonely when you can have female company anytime you want. But that's not quite the case in Vegas (unless you count hookers, which I try not to). And it kind of drives things home to you. My sister once told me it must be easier for me, because I've never needed to be in a relationship. And I've wondered whether that's true. I've never wanted to be in a relationship built on false premises. Which means that I've never really been in a relationship. I'd say all relationships are built on bullshit, but there are a couple that seem to be healthy (almost Rockwellian - it kinda makes me want to watch them on webcam, just to see if any couple can actually be THAT good for each other!). My brother's. My cousin's. Wesley Wyndham Price and Winifred Burkle (what? What do you mean, I'm really, really pathetic???).

One of the greatest dangers facing the world is overpopulation. When I take over, I'm installing a "bullshit detector" into the reproductive system of every man, woman, and child. Any time a guy tells a lie or manipulates a girl's feelings just to get laid, he'll go limp. And every time a girl tells a lie or tries to manipulate a guy, she'll get an electric shock that makes all her parts go numb (limp doesn't quite work, or dry, or anything else I could think of).

And on top of that, anytime one person in a relationship puts the other through stupid, juvenile, unnecessary bullshit, than they'll lose the capacity to reproduce for one month.

Now, I realize, the economies of the world would collapse, as in one generation we'd be down to about 50 people or so having kids (I know, I'm an optimist).

But it would be good for the planet!

I would love to find a girl that puts me through no B.S. That would call me down whenever I tried to put her through some. Who would be interested in life, and learning, and experiencing, and growing. Who would want to go on a cruise and go scuba diving. And go to the Rockies and go skiing. And go to Australia for a WalkAbout. And go on a bicycle trip through Europe with me. And when we're not doing that, watch a movie on the couch with me. Or go to the art galleries and museums and historical sites with me. A girl who loves romance, but sees reality, too. Who loves to read, and not just frickin' "Harry Potter." Who would dance with me as I take lessons. Who would prefer roses and music to getting presents. Who would give me backrubs as often as I give them. Who would cook dinner with me sometimes.

And a nice ass is a plus, too.

Damn. I hope my sister's right. I think I'm going to be alone a long, long time.


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