Occasionally I have been accused of being sexist. This is probably because I am. I didn't used to be, but life is rapidly making me that way. However, I am not a believer in one sex being superior to the other; actually, it's more a struggle to decide who is more evil. The jury is still out on that one.
That brings us to today's topic for conversation; Men and Women. Let's start with Women.
Women are like
...the stock market
They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.
They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.
Useful but clingy.
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.
If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.
...political campaign contributors
If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.
They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.
...country western songs
They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.
So, there you have it. What, there's another side? Let's hear it.
Men Are Like
... Bank Accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
You can't believe a word they say.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
... Curling Irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
... Government Bonds.
They take so long to mature.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
... Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
... Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while
Any questions, ladies and gentlemen?