Thursday, May 08, 2008

It just ain't funny...

Dr. Helen pointed out a disturbing trend I've noticed:

People are so indoctrinated to believe that violence against men is okay, especially if perpetrated by women, that they find the whole thing a joke. How empathetic.

Now, that's a general truth, conveyed by every facet of our society. And I think it's just something that everybody should consider. But I'd like to focus on one specific aspect of this that is to me the most glaring example of this problem.

The balls. More precisely, getting hit in them.

For the last 18 years or so, every week on America's Funniest Home Videos, we see guys getting hit in the balls, curling up and falling over. This is accompanied by funny sound effects and canned laughter, occasionally panning over the audience to see all the women howling with laughter, and the men struggling to look like they're enjoying the scene.

Guys hate not appreciating the joke. Almost any time you hear somebody say "That's not funny!" it's a girl getting pissed. In my job, it's a well-known fact - you can pick on guys and call them names and do whatever the hell you want. No guy wants to admit he doesn't think it's funny! Even if we think it's the most tasteless, inappropriate gag ever, guys will always laugh along if everybody is having a good time.

But get them alone, and I have as yet to ever meet a guy who thinks getting racked is funny. Not one. I'm not saying there isn't one, but in my entire life I haven't met him.

Girls cannot comprehend this. I've explained this to my female friends. I've explained it to girls I've dated. It does not compute. I was texting a girl the other day who I've expressed this opinion to over and over again. She's not a violent girl. She's a very empathic person, actually. But when I texted one of my sarcastically chauvinistic opinions, she texted back "I ought to kick you where it hurts." (She meant in my testicles, for all you slow readers)

To all females out there - think how creepy this would be to hear from a guy:

"I ought to punch you in the kidneys until you cough up blood."
"I ought to choke you until your windpipe is bruised and you can't breathe normally."
"I ought to kick you in your ovaries until you suffer debilitating pain."

Freaky, huh? Wouldn't that creep you out and make you never want to talk to that guy again? Wouldn't that make you consider calling the police? It's not funny. There's nothing even slightly humorous about those statement.

Now, take that and think about it before the next time you mention kicking or hitting a guy in the balls for whatever reason. It's just not funny. Sure, the guy may laugh at the time. We feel compelled to laugh at any joke. But if you ask him in a serious moment whether getting racked is funny, I bet he'll say it's not.

I know, every comedy movie has at least one scene with it. I know, every TV show has to play it once a season (minimum) for laughs. I know every single part of society is telling girls it's funny. But it's just not.

As a matter of fact, I'm going to respond with one of the above phrases every time a girl mentions kicking or hitting me in the balls. It'll ruin the conversation, of course. It may even get the authorities called on me. And she'll tell all her friends that I'm a creepy psycho that they should stay away from. But if every guy did this, maybe we could finally, finally get through to women.

It ain't funny.

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